2013.

It's 2013 already.

Bet it's gonna be a pretty tough year for me, at least the first few months of it.  

Firstly, i've made up my mind to not continue my contract here in Batam and might be going back to Jakarta for good.  

It's been pretty tough months for me in the studio, the project that i'm working on is as chaos as hell if i must say. I never thought that i'm a quitter but hell, turns out i am. I've been whining about this like every minutes and every seconds, i guess Uku is getting tired hearing it.  Luckily, i have a very patient bf as he always there to support every decision i've made and every path i chose.

Jadi, semalem waktu lagi acara barbeque tahun baru gw tiba-tiba ngerasa pengen menyendiri dan diem tanpa sebab.  Feels like i just didn't belong there. And that hollow kinda feeling is still there now as i write this things.  I feel like i just need somewhere to escape and doing nothing but reviewing what i have done this last few years.  

I feel like i want to do something BIG but i don't know what it is. I want to learn something new, i want to learn another language.  There are lots of things that i really want to do but i feel like it's just not enough.

Gw tau, gw seharusnya bersyukur karena banyak hal yang gw punya sekarang ga bisa semua orang punya. gw ga harus mikir besok mesti makan apa dan gimana, gw masih punya tempat tinggal, dsb dsb but it's just that i think the person i am now isn't the person i want to be.

How do you know what you want to do in your life as i still figure it out...

Cinta

Cinta.
lima huruf. satu kata. banyak makna.

Kamu ga harus bilang kata ini untuk bikin aku tahu kalau kamu ada karena cinta.
kamu ga harus bilang kata ini untuk bikin aku tahu kalau kamu disini karena cinta.
kamu ga harus bilang kata ini untuk bikin aku tahu kalau kamu disampingku karena cinta.

cinta.
aku pun tak tahu apa maknanya.
yang aku tahu, kalau ada yang bilang cinta..kamu yang terlintas di pikiran aku.

Cinta.
aku pun tak tahu bagaimana rasanya.
yang aku tahu, kalau ada yang tanya apa kamu pernah merasakan cinta...kamu yang aku rasakan.

aku cinta kamu.
dua belas huruf. tiga kata. segalanya untuk aku.

Terimakasih cinta, karena telah mempertemukan kamu dan aku.

The Big Year

Do you know what big year is? well, it's actually birding big year..it's An informal competition to see as many unique bird species as possible within a designated geographic area in one calendar year, from January 1 through December 31.

Watching a new movie actually makes you learn something new, well depends on what movie you're watching exactly :)

What i like from this movie is besides it's about birding it's showing the basic human nature..how human really love to compete with others.  

Me, myself quite a competitive person..not compete like i should win anything, but i just like to compare myself to others..it's not a good thing actually but it's just a stupid habit i had.


have you ever ask yourself, how competitive am I? what kind of things that will trigger your sense to compete?

Winning is not everything thou'..you might lose but if you see it in different perspective, u'll find out that u're the one who win the  competition..there's something that we've gotta paid to win it but usually it's not worth it. I'd rather being second or maybe 20th then become number one but there's something that i regret.




 

50/50

what if you only got 50% chance of life...
what if suddenly you get sick, alone and your life in a stake?

Jujur, gw ga tau apa yang mesti gw lakukan kalo gw tau kesempatan hidup gw cuma 50% aja...

oh iya, tadi pagi sempet sebentar nonton di nat geo tentang bruce lee..how he inspires people..
gimana dia berjuang untuk mencapai keinginan dia dan make his own way to achieve it.
ga ada orang yang bisa ngehalangin dia untuk mencapai keinginannya...meskipun ada hambatan, dia pasti cari jalan untuk ngelewatin hambatan itu.


I want to be that person. like bruce lee...
but, i dont even f*cking now what i want.
i don't have a dream.. :(

kalau keinginan sih banyak, tapi gw pengen punya cita cita.
the only dream i have is i want to be happy, it's not that i'm not happy it's just i don't want to feel lonely again. happiness for me is not being alone.

Kosong

it's almost midnight...

i feel something deep down my heart...

kesepian...sendirian...saya ngerasa...

KOSONG

saya kangen..

kangen masa lalu saya...

kangen waktu saya ga ngerasa sendiri...

super duper graoooorrrr

lagi super duper graor sama kerjaan...lagi ngerasa stupido oono dan super duper gebleg... :nohope:

sepertinya making mistake di kerjaan gw...jadi gw benerin itu semua sekarang...

errr...gw emang suka ga berubah..kacao di manajemen data-nya...graoor abis2an deh gw.. :nangis:

btw, i'm having such a fun n great long weekend... :superbiggrin: 

spending times with orang yg menyenangkan n can make me feel better..special (errr) ahahaha

well, life is short..aight? so, i'm trying to having a great and good time before die... :p

tapiiii...again...selfish gw tuh lagi keluar lagi...hahaha..parah nih sifat gw yg satu ini..dan ini muncul musiman gitu...cuma keluar ke orang2 tertentu (baca : *siul2*)

gara2 sifat gw itu...jadi sempet ada kejadian ga enak..huff..dan tetiba gw jadi keinget sama lagunya nsync yg selfish :)

"you can call me selfish..

but all i want is ur love..

u can call me hopeless..baby..

coz i'm hopeless in love..

you can call me unperfect..

but who's perfect..

tell me what do i've gotta do..

to prove that i'm the only one for u..

what's wrong with being selfish..."

:) :) :)

dannn..turns out..it works! *what works? only God n me know :p*

tenga malem....

udah malem sangat dan gw masih belum bisa tidur..

jam di hp sih udah nunjukin 01.37 but i still can't close my eyes..i've tried..but it wont close.. :( 

gara2 ga bisa tidur ini gw jadi mikirin banyak hal..mulai dari hal yg menyebalkan dan super duper stressful..sampe hal2 yg menyenangkannn..

dannnn....dua hari ini bener2 menyenangkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannn...hehehehe.. :superduperbiggrin:

tapi gw pengen tidurrrrrrrrrrrr...besok mau pergi dari pagi *katanya yg ngajak pergi* tapi klo jam segini aja gw belom tidur..errr...gw ga yakin deh besok bisa bangun pagi.. *deepsigh*

padahal mata udah ngantuk..tapi otak ga bisa tidur... *emang otak kita tidur gitu? ahahaha..bener2 pernyataan yg aneh.. --"

dan terjebaklah gw sekarang mati gaya..padahal drtd udah browsing2 pake gadget anti mati gaya...tapi ternyata tetep aja tuh bikin gw mati gaya :nohope:

lagu gw di weekend ini adalaaahhh john legend yg p.d.a *ga ada maksud apa2 lho gw suka lagu ini..mwahahahahahahaha*

lirik ini :

"i wanna kiss u underneath the stars......" blush me out..bikin speechless...but hey..i really wanna try that..

how does it feel yak? herm... *tuing tuing*

bener2 faktor ga bisa tidur ini bikin postingan saya malem ini ga bermutu sama sekali..ahahahaha

*padahal kapan sih postingan gw bermutu* >:)